Sooner
by AcidBlossom
Summary: I should've done it sooner. When? How much sooner? It doesn't matter. Any time would have been a better time. I may as well have done it the day he was born. One shot. Grisha reflects on Eren. Rated T for traumatic events and overall subject matter.


**Acid's Note-**

**Yay~ My first Attack on Titan fic~**

**This is was written for three reasons-**

**1. This came to me in a dream about two nights ago  
><strong>**2. I love Attack on Titan so much you don't even understand.  
><strong>**3. I haven't uploaded a story in so long so I have to put out ****_something_****.**

**Please note that, while I try to keep this as vague as possible, any hints of what Grisha knows about the Titans or his involvement with them are pure speculation. Again, I try to keep it vague, so this won't be too wrong once it's all revealed in the canon (which, considering Isayama's prediction of the manga ending in 3-4 years, will probably be a long time from now). Personally, I believe he's aware of pretty much everything that's going on. I also believe that he isn't connected to the Titans actual origins; instead, I believe he's connected to whatever can stop them.**

**By the way, all of Eren's lines are heavily based on dialogue from the English dub. They aren't exact copies, due to the rules of the site, but they are similar.**

**I have quite a lot of other ideas for AoT fics, many of which are already in the process of being written. So stay tuned~**

**Enjoy, y'all. **

* * *

><p><strong>SOONER<strong>

I should've done it sooner.

When? How much sooner? It doesn't matter.

Any time would have been a better time.

I may as well have done it the day that boy was born.

I should've known that this was to occur from the moment I held him in my arms for the first time. Perhaps the excitement of being a father distracted me, along with the preoccupation of taking care of Carla.

There were no signs at the early years of his life. From how he started out, I wouldn't have even guessed that he'd be what he'd become.

He was very introverted to almost everyone. He was close to Carla and I, and he seemed to open up to Hannes at times. There was also that blond boy I'd see him with; Armin, if I recall. To the rest of the world, however, that boy cut himself off. He didn't want anything to do with anyone else. Carla and I tried to push him to make other friends, but he wouldn't budge. He seemed to only look for the bad in people. I tried to tell him not to think like that countless times, but it took years for him to listen.

He seemed to change when he was nine, when he saved Mikasa from those human traffickers.

_"I'm sorry, Dad. But I'm not gonna feel bad for what I did."_

His actions that day were deplorable, things not child his age should even know how to do. Never in my wildest dreams would I had expected that boy to stab two men to death.

_"Those weren't humans. They were animals who needed to be killed."_

All I had asked of him was to wait at the foot of the mountain, yet he ignored me and got blood on his hands instead.

_"By the time the MPs got here, they would've already taken her away! We didn't have time to wait!"_

He was right, but he was also rash. Much too rash for his own good. He had thrown caution to the wind and survived by pure luck. If he had not been a child, they would have arrested him on the spot. He would have to spend the rest of his life behind iron bars, alone.

_"But I didn't know what else to do...I just wanted to save her…"_

And that was when I should have realized it.

A part of me did realize it that day, but the rest of me was concerned with taking care of Mikasa.

Of course I could've taken care of it that night. I could've left Mikasa to Carla and take the boy to the cellar. I would've shown him the truth. I could've given him…

No, I decided. He wasn't ready. He didn't show even the slightest bit of interest in Titans. And even if he did, then he'd certainly didn't show it to me or anyone else. What would be the point of showing it to him if he didn't care? What good was having the boy posses the knowledge and do nothing with it?

And then came the day, a little over a year later, when Mikasa said that boy wanted to join the Scout Regiment. Carla was instantly against it. So was I, at first. I immediately reminded him that what lies beyond these walls are far more gruesome and terrifying than anything he can imagine.

_"But it's gotta be better than living like this!"_

What came out of that boy's mouth was the nail in the coffin.

_"I'm not stupid. I know it's bad. I know people die out there. But we just can't give up on being able to live out there, or else we'll just keep living like cattle in this pin!"_

He had the perfect mindset.

Never before in my life had I encountered a person who was that willing to go beyond these walls and free us from this oppression mockingly called "peace." Only he would be willing to do what I needed him to do. All it would take is the simple insertion of a needle and we'd be set for freedom for the first time in one hundred years.

It only took me a single second to realize what I had to do.

I made the promise that day. When I returned home from taking care of this patient, I would take him to the cellar. His sea green eyes lit up with excitement and curiosity that day. He was smiling from ear to ear. I'll never forget that look on his face. That would be the last time I saw him smile.

Mere hours after I left, the Colossal and Armored Titans penetrated Wall Maria.

I knew this was coming. I didn't know when it would happen, but it would come.

That was when I realized I should've taken that boy to the cellar, injected that fluid into his bloodstream, sooner.

Sooner…I should've done it sooner…

If I did, then the people of Wall Maria would've stood a chance. They would have they're own Titan fighting for them.

A Titan fighting for humanity…The original idea seemed silly to me at first. But now the idea almost seems ingenious.

I made my way to the refugee camps as soon as I caught wind of what happened. Through the entire trip, I prayed. I prayed that my wife and the children would be okay. When I got there, they had to be alive. All I wanted was for them to be alive.

I managed to get a hold of Hannes. He was the one who told me of the tragedy that befell my family.

Carla…My beloved…

My heart had shattered. But even still, I had no time to mourn.

Hannes led me to that boy.

I carried his sleeping body outside and prepared the vaccine. That was when I awoke him. I could've easily have done this in his sleep, but he needed to be awake. He needed to have the vaguest instructions of what he needed to do from here on out.

_"Dad?"_

We both had to struggle to get this done. I tried to get that needle in him, but he wouldn't stay still for even a moment. He kept struggling…No, he kept fighting.

_"What're you doing?! Stop it! You're scaring me!"_

He didn't need to understand. Or at least, he didn't need to know. He'd figure it all out on his own when the time comes.

_"You're crazy! Mom's death made you go off the deep end!"_

Was I insane? Possibly. Perhaps even before Carla's death. The fact that I was even willing to be involved in this cause was enough evidence that I may not have been "all there" even from the beginning of my life.

_"This doesn't make sense!"_

Nothing makes sense to me anymore. Nothing in this world had made sense even before I was born, before anyone living today was born. It didn't make sense that we were to spend the rest of our existence as a race living behind walls. The walls themselves make the least amount of sense. If people had learned what they're truly made out of…I can't even imagine what would happen.

_"DAD!"_

His scream of fear and aguish was the last I'd hear of that boy's voice. Watching the fluid of the needle flow into him was the most agonizingly slow moment of my life.

As he lay on the ground unconscious, I put the leather cord around his neck. Dangling from it was a gold key- the key to the cellar.

He was to find that cellar, laying under the remains of our house in Shiganshina.

It didn't matter when. He just needed to find it eventually. It'd be best if he found it as soon as possible.

Five years passed.

That boy had graduated from the Cadet Corps as fifth in the class. He joined the Scouts.

And then came what happened at Trost.

When the Colossal Titan suddenly returned and infiltrated Wall Rose.

That was when that boy discovered what I did to him five years ago.

I smiled when I heard the news of the Titan fighting on humanity's side, the Titan who carried that bolder upon his back and blocked the hole in Wall Rose.

More and more relief came to me as more had become uncovered. Merely weeks later, news broke out that Commander Smith would be planning the 57th Recon mission.

The Scouts were looking for the cellar that boy told them about, the one hiding the secrets of the Titans I've selfishly kept from him and the rest of the world.

Of course, a Titan is still a Titan, and many people were untrusting of both the mission and especially that boy. They think he's a monster. I've placed a great burden on that boy, but it will pay off soon. It will benefit him and the rest of mankind. In a way, it will benefit the Titans too. It will finally put an end to their miserable existence that has lasted far too long.

That boy is to be placed under the guidance of Captain Levi. I don't know the man personally, but I trust him. How can I not trust humanity's strongest soldier to keep that boy and his rashness in line?

Mikasa will be at his side. She'll protect him. I know that girl too well to think otherwise.

But even still, despite this turning point, my regrets linger.

If only I had done it sooner…Perhaps then things would have turned out very differently.

Carla would still be alive.

Thousands upon thousands of people would still be alive.

Wall Maria would still be standing.

That boy wouldn't have to be a subject of persecution and speculation.

Titans wouldn't even be a threat. They would fade into legend. That legend would fade into myth. That myth would fade into a mere fairytale humanity will forget in a few centuries. It's sad to say that, considering how many lives they claimed, but those abominations are something that is best to be forgotten.

Above all else, I wouldn't have to be a bystander, hiding amongst the rest of the people within the walls, only praying for that boy. Praying that he will prevail, despite all of his hardships.

Eren…I'm sorry, son.

I should've done it sooner.

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><p><strong><span>Acid's Note-<span>**

**Yup…So, that was a thing. **

**I have a lot more creative AoT stories in mind for the near future. Some are good, some are stupid. Either way, they'll be fun to write…If I find the time to write them, that is. **

**It only took me about four hours to write this, by the way. That may take a toll on the quality.**

**This is kind of an experiment. I'm not good at writing things like this. Review please, and tell me what I can do better the next time I want to write in this style.**

**-Acid**


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